


running the tutorial

by runawayballista



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: F/M, Genderbending, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-26
Updated: 2012-07-26
Packaged: 2017-11-10 18:20:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/469265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runawayballista/pseuds/runawayballista
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Delta claims to be an expert on a lot of things, but York's not feeling too inclined to trust his expertise on this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	running the tutorial

**Author's Note:**

> Some humorous, vaguely York/Delta short fic featuring genderbent York. Inspired by a silly comment Anarin made, so this is for you :')

There’s really nothing like the way a hot shower feels after a hard day’s training, even with just the regulation five minutes under the spray -- York can feel the tension and the exhaustion start to melt away from where it’s started to twist up in her shoulders, caught in the weave of her muscles. The only thing that makes it better, really, is when she can afford to flop down on her bed in the privacy of her bunk afterward, water seeping into the pillowcase from her hair, still wet because she’d only bothered to briefly tousle it dry with a towel. It’s best when she can sink into the thin mattress and close her eyes with a quiet sigh, twist her legs in the sheets and slide a hand down her stomach, fingers edging under the waistband of her underwear --

It’s dark in her bunk, until a flash of light bites through her closed eyelids, and she opens her good eye to see Delta’s hologram hovering just over her shoulder, as always. She’s used to him being in her head at all times well _enough_ , she supposes, but she hadn’t been expecting him to wait till she had a hand halfway down her pants to strike up a conversation.

“Can I help you with something, D?” she says, raising her eyebrows. She’s not sure what it is he wants at this hour, why he couldn’t just table it for tomorrow, because as obtuse as Delta can be, she knows he’s not _so_ thick as to not know what she’s doing. When he speaks, his voice is pleasant.

“Would you like me to run the tutorial program?”

For a second she’s baffled, and it shows on her face and the way she knits her brow in confusion. But then the intended meaning catches up to her, and she lets out a quiet snort.

“Yeah, yeah, very funny, D. C’mon, shoo. Can’t you see I’m busy?”

Delta’s hologram flickers, but it doesn’t wink out like she was expecting it to. “My offer was not in jest,” he says, although York suspects his choice of words was deliberate. “Would you like me to run the tutorial program?”

“Yeah, uh -- thanks, D, but I’m pretty sure I know how my own parts work.” York shifts on the bed a little, growing less amused with this thread of conversation by the minute. Sure, Delta’s tendency toward that weird brand of bluntness of his is sort of funny and quirky most of the time, but she’s trying to score a little quality time with herself, here. They share a head space, but he could at least try to respect _this_.

“York,” Delta persists, and she wonders why the hell he’s still talking, “in my spare time, I have watched many videos on the subject in order to better acquaint myself with the female body. I feel that you are not optimizing your masturbatory experience.”

York gives him a look of incredulity, the mood not just killed, but effectively _slaughtered_. “Optimizing my -- Jesus _Christ_ , D, I know you live in my head, but give me a break, will you? Is nothing sacred here?”

“My apologies,” says Delta. “I was unaware that this was a religious practice.”

“Oh, don’t be an asshole,” York says crossly, and when Delta’s hologram flickers again she gets the distinct impression that he’s laughing. “So, what, you think watching a bunch of porn makes you an expert on girlparts now? C’mon, Dr. Ruth, let’s hear it.”

“It would be easier to show you,” he says, his hologram dimming slightly, and in the next moment he’s filling her head with images, rapidfire but carefully organized to convey his meaning. York’s first thought is that it’s nothing new -- and she’s ready to brush him off as soon as he’s done, tell him to fuck off and let her get to it, but her expression quickly shifts to concentrated surprise as the clipshow in her head drags on. She lets out a low whistle once it’s wrapped up, looking considerably awed at Delta’s apparent commitment to thorough research.

“All right, I’ll admit there were a few tricks in there I’d never heard of,” she says, both a little begrudging and a smidge incredulous. “I mean -- you can _do_ that? With the -- ”

“It would appear so,” says Delta, and even though his tone has barely changed, York swears he sounds smug and self-satisfied. “I take it you found my advice both informative and enlightening.”

“Oh, so that was _advice_ , was it?” York says archly, but she lets out a little snort of laughter. “Yeah, yeah, okay. I’ll admit, D, you might yet be useful in new and exciting ways.”

“I am here to assist,” he says, sounding thoroughly pleased with himself, and his hologram winks out, leaving York in the dark once again.


End file.
